Kenneth Smith

Alabama

Execution Date: 01.25.24

NITROGEN HYPOXIA.

Writings on Alabama,

Kenneth Smith and a Moral Apocalypse.

Jeff Hood

Full text below or available for purchase HERE.

For Deanna Smith,

One of the Bravest People I Have Ever Known

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.” Together, we walked through the valley. Together, we faced death. Together, we feared no evil. In those dates, Kenneth Smith bestowed on me an unbelievable gift. He taught me how to walk. I will never be the same.

The Rev. Dr. Jeff Hood

March 24, 2025

Contents

Soul Injury: Kenneth Smith's Botched Execution & Nitrogen
Hood v. The State of Alabama: A Lawsuit
Losing Consciousness: Hidden Dangers of Nitrogen Hypoxia
Religious Liberty for the Condemned: On Kenny Smith and Us
Death: The Cost of Conviction: On Kenny Smith, Alabama & Me
Stop Nitrogen Hypoxia: Meet Us in Alabama!
Walk Away: On Moral Embarrassment, Alabama & Kenny Smith
The United Nations, Kenny Smith & Alabama: Nuanced
A Vision, Dumpsters and Kenneth Smith in Alabama
God Died in Alabama...Suffocated By Nitrogen Hypoxia.
Dr. Joseph Antognini : A Campaign Against Dr. Death
The Simple Prayer of Kenneth Smith
AL.COM: Rage and the Alabama execution of Kenneth Smith by the new method of nitrogen hypoxia
Tyranny of Uncertainty: Kenneth Smith, Nitrogen Hypoxia & I
The World’s First Nitrogen Execution
The Only Eyewitness Account of the Execution of Kenneth Smith
USA TODAY: I witnessed Alabama execute a man using nitrogen gas..

December 12, 2023

Soul Injury: Kenneth Smith's Botched Execution & Nitrogen

On November 17, 2022, Kenneth Smith survived a botched lethal injection execution.

I serve as Kenny’s spiritual advisor and seek to help guide him to a place of healing.

Soul injuries occur when one engages evil so severely that it causes them to be detached from their very soul.

For millennia, a variety of religious traditions have understood the trichotomy of body, consciousness and soul. The fundamental idea is that there is something that exists outside of our physical conscious presence that defines who we are spiritually. Problems with modern psychiatry and psychology often arise out of the assumption that one’s consciousness is the same thing as one’s soul. For many, this is a fatal mistake. In misdiagnosing the problem, one is unable to provide any semblance of treatment or work toward healing.

Imagine being surrounded by evil. Literally, demons sawing and gnawing at your flesh. Some might argue that it is dehumanizing to call them demons. The best argument is that they dehumanized themselves. They gave up their right to be called a child of God. That’s not to say that such a right can’t be restored…but in the moment…they are demons…they are the very enemies of God.

When you’re strapped to a gurney, your dignity is already gone. You can try to maintain your dignity all that you want, but the straps are going to win. At the very least though, one can continue to pray. Until you can’t…

When you desperately try to pray and nothing comes out, this is the epicenter of the injury to the soul. This is the place where the soul begins to die. Jesus is not unfamiliar with such a space. In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus is led to an evil place where God is absent and his prayers begin to fail. Demons surround. The only thing Jesus knows to do is hold on…but hold on to what? How does the soul survive? The only way forward is forward. There is no turning around.

For many, death becomes an escape. But what happens when you can’t die? You walk around amongst mortals…but your soul is somewhere else. How do you treat such an injury? How do you heal?

Injuries to the soul must be treated just like any other injury. Therapy can teach the soul how to breathe again. You beat the demons back by taking away their power…living beyond them. Gratitude becomes a means of deflecting the temptation to shut down. Right loving leads to right breathing…and right breathing leads to the rediscovery of the soul.

Sadly, the State of Alabama seems determined to make sure that Kenny Smith doesn’t have time for any healing, as it plans to try to execute him again by the untested method of nitrogen hypoxia on January 25, 2024.

Will you join us in trying to stop the barbarity of it all?

March 21, 2025

Hood v. The State of Alabama: A Lawsuit

Case 2:23-cv-00717 Document 1 Filed 12/13/23 Page 1 of 13

IN THE UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT FOR THE MIDDLE DISTRICT OF ALABAMA

Jeff Hood, §

Plaintiff, vs.

§ Civil Case No.
§
§ CONNECTED TO A § CAPITAL CASE

JOHN Q. HAMM, in his official § capacity as Commissioner, Alabama §

Department of Corrections, and

§ EXECUTION DATE:

§ JANUARY 25, 2024 TERRY RAYBON, in his official §

capacity as Warden, Holman § Correctional Facility, §

Defendants. §

COMPLAINT UNDER 42 U.S.C. § 1983 TO ALLOW SPIRITUAL ADVISOR TO EXERCISE STATUTORY RIGHTS TO MINISTER TO CONDEMNED PRISONER KENNETH EUGENE SMITH

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INTRODUCTION

Plaintiff Jeff Hood (“Dr. Hood”) is a priest with the Old Catholic Church

and acts as a spiritual advisor to death-row prisoners in Alabama, Texas, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Florida, and Mississippi. He has been approved by the prison systems and been present for numerous executions.

Prisoner Kenneth Eugene Smith is imprisoned at Holman Correctional Facility, located in Atmore, Alabama awaiting execution. Smith is scheduled to be executed on January 25, 2024. He has already been the victim of a botched execution by the State of Alabama in November of 2022, when it could not find a vein to execute him by lethal injection.

Dr. Hood ministers to Mr. Smith and has a close priest-penitent relationship with Mr. Smith.

Mr. Smith elected to designate Dr. Hood as his spiritual advisor. The proper forms were filled out in full and signed in accordance with Alabama law.

Dr. Hood has undertaken the necessary steps to be present with Mr. Smith in the execution chamber. This request has been granted. No one, however, has been able to guarantee the safety of the spiritual advisor with this never tested use of a deadly gas in a confined space. He has a right to minister to his parishioner during the direst time of his life. This cannot be done from three feet away demanded in the Acknowledgement of Spiritual Advisor

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form that Dr. Hood was forced to sign. The Defendants have further denied Plaintiff his First Amendment rights to free exercise of religion by creating vagueness within the Acknowledgement of Spiritual Advisor form that seems to even forbid or greatly inhibit him from touching Mr. Smith during the execution.

JURISDICTION

The Court has jurisdiction under 42 U.S.C. §§ 4200cc-1, 28 U.S.C. §§ 1343, 1651, 2201, and 2202, and 42 U.S.C. § 1983.

VENUE

Venue lies in the Middle District under 28 U.S.C. § 1391 because Defendant Hamm has his office in Montgomery, Alabama.

PARTIES

Plaintiff Jeff Hood is the spiritual advisor to prisoner Kenneth Eugene Smith. Mr. Smith is being imprisoned in the Holman Correctional Facility under a sentence of death. Dr. Hood will be present in the execution chamber if the State of Alabama executes Mr. Smith on January 25, 2024. Plaintiff is represented by Eric Allen, 4200 Regent, Suite 200, Columbus, Ohio 43219 and Gregory W. Gardner, P.O. Bo 2366, Boulder, Colorado 80306.

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Defendant John Q. Hamm is the Commissioner of the Alabama Department of Corrections. The Alabama Department of Corrections is located at 301 South Ripley Street, Montgomery, Alabama 36130. Mr. Hamm ultimately is responsible for the rules and regulations preventing Plaintiff Dr. Hood from performing his spiritual-advisor duties as discussed in United States Supreme Court decisions. Defendant is represented in these proceedings by Steve Marshall, 501 Washington, Montgomery, Alabama, 36104.

Defendant Terry Raybon is the Warden of Holman Correctional Facility. Mr. Smith is imprisoned there. Furthermore, Plaintiff Dr. Hood will perform his spiritual-advisor duties for Mr. Smith at that facility if Mr. Smith is executed. Defendant is represented in these proceedings by Steve Marshall, 501 Washington, Montgomery, Alabama, 36104.

FACTS

Alabama State Senator Trip Pittman sponsored Senate Bill 272 which allowed for execution by means of nitrogen hypoxia if lethal injection is not available. The law was in response, according to Senator Pittman, to the scarcity of lethal injection compounds. It passed the House by a vote of 75 to 23 and the Senate 29 to 0. There was minuscule debate on the floor of the legislature. There was, however, no debate regarding the safety to others if nitrogen were to escape or how this Bill would affect the religious rights of

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the condemned and their spiritual advisors. It was signed into law by

Governor Kay Ivey later in 2018.
12. In August of 2023, the ADOC modified its execution protocol to add

nitrogen hypoxia to lethal injection and electrocution as means of execution in the state of Alabama. This form of execution has the possibility to be dangerous not only to Defendants’ employees but to Plaintiff as well.

Nitrogen hypoxia causes the death of the condemned by placing a mask that is an airtight fit over the inmate’s face. The executioner will then have his air supply substituted with nitrogen causing his heart to stop. During debate, State Senator Pittman stated, ironically, that nitrogen has been shown to kill people in workplace accidents and suicides.

The United States Safety and Hazard Investigation Board found 85 individuals died between 1992 and 2002 in nitrogen-related accidents. It found that most workplace accidents occurred in confined spaces. Confined spaces like a cramped execution chamber in Holman. In these accidents, workers died because of the unstable, odorless nature of nitrogen. The Board suggested best practices for the use and handling of nitrogen. This includes the continuous forced draft ventilation with fresh air during the entirety of the job, ensuring that ventilation systems are kept up and the use of warning systems. Having based this system and its viability on workplace accidents,

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they have not followed the recommendations to have a ventilated space to ensure the safety of the workers and the spiritual advisor. OSHA requires a permit if such dangerous gas is used in a confined space. OSHA 1910.146. OSHA has determined there have been 14 nitrogen asphyxiation accidents between 2012 and 2020. In January 2021, six peopled died in a workplace accident from exposure to nitrogen in Gainesville, Georgia. No such precautions suggested by OSHA or the U.S. Chemical Safey and Hazard Investigation Board are presently in place in the execution protocol.

14. Plaintiff has agreed to Mr. Smith’s request to be his spiritual advisor during his execution and was quickly granted the ability by the Defendants to function as such. Plaintiff served as spiritual advisor during the execution of Casey McWhorter on November 16. The stipulations offered by the Defendants within the Acknowledgement of Spiritual Advisor form are filled with such vagueness that he is being asked to stay at least three feet from Mr. Smith and cannot lay hands upon him during the execution. In addition to prohibiting touching of Mr. Smith’s head even though he anointed Casey McWhorter’s head with oil in the last execution, these requirements also seem to include, at least in parts the touching of his feet, leg, or arm. Parts of the body that do not explicitly meet the mask or the tube that feeds the nitrogen into the mask but could be construed to be less than

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three feet away from both leaner and wider interpretations of the “nitrogen hypoxia system.” It is our estimation that they are using vagueness to force Plaintiff to stay more than three feet from Mr. Smith during the execution through various stipulations within the Acknowledgement of Spiritual Advisor.

The Defendants claim that they have made the chamber safe for the spiritual advisor and any ADOC employees by placing oxygen sensors on the wall of the execution chamber during the execution. The protocol states that these must be tested in the days leading up to the execution. However, how these vital sensors are tested has been redacted from the protocol. Further, the brand and model of these sensors is not shared as part of the protocol. The protocol also does not provide for constant ventilation in the area or any training for the spiritual advisor or other non-employee visitors to the execution chamber.

The Defendants have determined that a three foot “safe area” around the condemned during the execution will be adequate should gas escape from tube blowing nitrogen into the mask. This “safe area” also prohibits a spiritual advisor from touching the condemned. However, there is no scientific basis nor was evidence taken during the passage of this legislation or producing the protocol that indicates this “safe area” would make anyone

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safe. Given that nitrogen does not warn of its presence and that it is ambient and can move anywhere in the room, it is unlikely it would stay within the safe area.

This protocol requires the use of a mask. This mask must have an airtight seal to avoid the release of nitrogen in a confined area. The use of monitors around the mask is arbitrary and not based on any scientific method of protection.

The Acknowledgement of Spiritual Advisor form given to the spiritual advisor gives generic facts regarding the inhalation of nitrogen. It provides no guidance regarding nitrogen inhalation and asphyxiation. If the Acknowledgement of Spiritual Advisor form does not explicitly prohibit touching, it at the very least is intended to secure a waiver of touching the condemned.

There is nothing in the protocol or the spiritual-advisor warning that provides for any defect in the protocol or process as defined by Defendants.

CLAIMS FOR RELIEF

Plaintiff incorporates by reference and re-alleges the allegations contained in the previous paragraphs of this Complaint.

CLAIM ONE: FIRST AMENDMENT FREE EXERCISE OF RELIGON

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The First Amendment to the United States Constitution requires states “make no law...prohibiting the free exercise of religion.” U.S. Constitution Amend I. See a See also Cantwell v. Connecticut, 310 U.S. 296, 303 (1940) (holding that the Free Exercise Clause is applied to the States through the Fourteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution).

Mr. Smith is scheduled to be executed on Thursday, January 25, 2024. According to the United States Supreme Court, Mr. Smith is entitled to a spiritual advisor with him in the execution chamber. E.g., Dunn v. Smith, 141 S. Ct. 175, 175 (2021). The Defendants have allowed that request but have forbidden him from having contact with the condemned during the execution. While prison security is a valid concern, Defendants must connect their actions related to spiritual advisors to that security. Ibid. This has not occurred. One must remember that the United States Supreme Court has allowed touching of prisoners during execution. Ramirez v. Collier, 595 U.S. __, __, 142 S. Ct. 1264, 1284 (2022). The Court allowed the spiritual advisor to touch Ramirez while praying over him.

23 When State actors hinder a person’s ability to practice his religion, courts first must determine if the action is neutral and applicable. Church of the Lukumi Balbao Aye, Inc. v. Hialeah, 508 U.S. 520, 531 (1993).

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If it is neutral and applicable, the State action can have an “incidental effect of burdening a particular religious practice.” Ibid.

If the State action is not neutral and applicable, it must survive strict scrutiny. Governments survive strict scrutiny when they show a “compelling governmental interest” that is “narrowly tailored to advance that interest.” Ibid.

Here, the ADOC’s actions are not neutral. They are hostile toward religion. Indeed, they deny a prisoner his chosen spiritual advisor’s touch at the most critical juncture of his life: his death. Because it is not neutral, the ADOC’s actions must survive strict scrutiny. They cannot. The government’s interest is safety. No scientific testimony, however, was taken during the legislative session regarding this method. There does not appear to be any scientific method in forming this safe area around the condemned. The effect however is to deny or at least severely inhibit Plaintiff his ability to touch his parishioner and pray with him.

The reason for this restriction is the possibility for nitrogen to escape during the execution in a closed, confined space. Defendants have developed an arbitrary, unscientific “safe area” of three feet.

Gas does not abide by “safe areas.” Gas will assume the entire space of this locked, confined chamber. If Plaintiff is in the chamber, he could inhale

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nitrogen if it escapes. This so called “safe area” denies Plaintiff his First Amendment right to minister to his parishioner during the most stressful time of his life, his death.

In developing this protocol, it is the opinion of Plaintiff, Defendants guessed at what the safe area would be around the condemned and have no scientific basis for this. If nitrogen escapes, there is no safe area in the closed, windowless, exhaustless room. It is a catastrophe waiting to happen.

Plaintiff would argue that he should be allowed to touch his parishioner during the execution. He also argues that because this is his right as well as the condemned to practice their religion, it is incumbent on the Defendants to provide a safe environment in which to practice his religion. There are methods that could ensure the safety of Plaintiff and allow him to touch the condemned. Defendants have not done so, and Plaintiff’s right to exercise his religion is violated.

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PRAYER FOR RELIEF

WHEREFORE, Plaintiff prays that this Honorable Court provide relief as follows:

A declaratory judgment that the Defendants’ action to preclude or inhibit

Plaintiff from having contact with Mr. Smith’s body in the execution

chamber violates Plaintiff’s First Amendment rights.

A declaratory judgment that the Defendants’ action to preclude or inhibit Dr.

Hood from having contact with Mr. Smith in the execution chamber violates

Dr. Hood’s First Amendment rights under the Free Exercise Clause.

A preliminary injunction prohibiting Defendants from executing Mr. Smith

until they can do so in a way that does not violate Dr. Hood’s rights; and

A preliminary injunction prohibiting Defendants from executing Mr. Smith

until they allow Dr. Hood to have contact with him during the execution and can provide for his safety during the execution.

Respectfully submitted,

Gregory W. Gardner Gregory W. Gardner*

*Counsel of Record

December 17, 2023

Losing Consciousness: Hidden Dangers of Nitrogen Hypoxia

Nitrogen. I keep hearing the word repeatedly. In fact, the word presently consumes a good part of my life. Will it happen? Will it kill me? What are the dangers? Is it all hyperbole? I don’t know. I just know that I’ve been asked by Kenny Smith in Alabama to accompany him to the first execution by nitrogen hypoxia…his execution. If that wasn’t enough, Smith was the victim of a botched execution just over a year ago. So, this is a moment of firsts for my ministry with guys facing execution…the first nitrogen hypoxia and the first in which someone is facing a second attempt at execution. The temptation is to concentrate on the firsts. There is however something that is the same…the continuing evil of the death penalty. Indeed, it seems that talk of nitrogen is most fitting for this moment. One of the first effects of heavy nitrogen exposure is…a loss of consciousness.

We don’t seem to notice. We just keep going faster. Will we destroy ourselves? Nobody seems to care. We are just interested in going further than those who came before us as quickly as possible. We call it progress. We are sorely mistaken.

In such a world, it seems ludicrous to ask people to slow down. Yet, slowing down is the only way to know where we are. So, I ask you to slow down.

So often, we fail to realize the evil things that are happening all around us. We’re in too big of a hurry to even take notice. We ignore evil at great cost. Often, losing our soul in the process. You see, when we ignore evil we become evil.

There is undoubtedly a need to respond to heinous crimes that are committed in our midst. When people kill there must be a consequence. Historically, society has often pushed the narrative that a killer must be killed. Perhaps, a simpler ethic has never been spoken. Tooth for tooth. Eye for eye. Body for body. Right? If we lived by such a rule, we would all be toothless, blind and bodyless. For, we are always making choices that detrimentally affect each other. But that doesn’t speak to the specific question of one who kills. Such a question is more complicated than simple platitudes. Right? Maybe not. Perhaps, it is sufficient to say that you cannot teach people not to kill by killing. There is a whole generation of young people growing up in a world that is teaching them to kill by killing. You see, the death penalty is not some distant punishment for the worst of the worst. There are real consequences attached to it. In fact, the consequences of the death penalty are here and wildly apparent. Namely, we are teaching the next generation to be comfortable with killing. That’s what the death penalty does. It teaches one to be comfortable with a certain type of killing.

Justice is on the tongue of those who promote the death penalty. Yet, vengeance is what rests in the heart. People want to kill because someone they love has been killed. While I think it’s a natural response, it makes little rational sense. Have you ever considered that we don’t rape people to teach them not to rape? We don’t assault people to teach them not to assault? We don’t slander people in order to teach them not to slander? We don’t use drugs to teach people not to use drugs? We don’t do these things because a society that is interested in ethical progress is interested in the rational reformation of such behaviors, not the blind continuance them. Nobody seems to be listening. If we continue to do what we’ve always done, we will get the same results. Surely, that is the very definition of lunacy. Our desire to kill should make us think more not less.

Like it or not, we’re all connected to each other. The decisions that we make have great impact. Regardless of the speed by which we travel, we do not walk alone. When the great ethicist Jesus Christ directly commanded us to love our neighbors, I don’t think that such thinking was intended for just some of our neighbors. We have an ethical responsibility to figure out how to love all of our neighbors, including those who reside on death row. The consequence of failing in such an effort is great. Love is so much bigger than passive understanding. Rather, it is about active engagement. We must slow down. We must listen to each other. We must stop running to the edge of a moral cliff. We must figure out a way to love all of our neighbors. Surely, the very health and wellbeing of our society depends on it.

Right now, Kenny Smith is the moral barometer that God is using to measure us all. Will we pass the test? Will we stay awake? Only time will tell.

Nitrogen is not an excuse to fall unconscious at this pivotal moment.

December 24, 2023

Religious Liberty for the Condemned: On Kenny Smith and Us

To the disappointment of many of his disciples, Jesus was not a conquering king. Indeed, his ministry was never about forcing people to believe anything at all. The ministry of Jesus was always about invitation rather than subjugation. Repeatedly, people even walked away from Jesus and decided to no longer believe. Followers of Jesus were there because they wanted to be. Such is the essence of faith…choice. Faith without choice isn’t faith…it’s mental enslavement. Such enslavement always leads to death…death by innumerable instances of denied choices. There is only one way to love one’s neighbor as one loves themself…by letting them be free.

For over a decade, I’ve worked with guys on death rows throughout the country. In the past year alone, I’ve accompanied four guys to their executions…Scott Eizember in Oklahoma, Arthur Brown in Texas, Anthony Sanchez in Oklahoma and Casey McWhorter in Alabama. There is tremendous danger in functioning in ministry so close to the tentacles of the state. You always have to be cautious about what the state is trying to take away. It has been my experience that the state is willing to take away all rights of religious liberty that are not demanded by force. The beauty of the first lines of the First Amendment…“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof…” are constantly realized through our demands that they be protected. On at least three different occasions this year, I have pursued formal legal action to demand that government protect the religious liberty of the guys on death row that I work with and myself. These actions have been important to me because we must protect the rights of all in order to protect the rights of some. Meaning, all of our rights are intrinsically wrapped up in the rights of each other…even those that we have condemned to be executed. Indeed, it seems that those we’ve condemned to be executed are the baseline for the protection of all of our rights.

To this end, I filed a lawsuit last week against John Hamm (Commissioner of the Alabama Department of Corrections) & Terry Raybon (Warden of Holman Correctional Facility) demanding that the new nitrogen hypoxia execution process that Alabama has created to execute Kenn Smith not be conducted in a way that violates the religious liberty of Smith or myself. I did so to protect the religious liberty of Smith and all that might be executed by nitrogen hypoxia who come after him. There are those who declare that such lawsuits are all about stopping executions. To such naysayers, I will never apologize if the work that I do saves someone’s life. I am intrinsically opposed to the death penalty in all circumstances. If my fight to protect the rights of the guys that I work with saves a life, thank God. First and foremost however, the religious liberty lawsuits I’ve pursued have been about fighting for the realization of the dignity of the condemned and consequently, the dignity of us all. Indeed, our rights are secured by securing the rights of those whose rights are the most vulnerable to being dismissed. Smith is the baseline for all of our rights.

Had it been necessary, I was prepared to take our lawsuit all the way to the Supreme Court and wherever else might be necessary. It wasn’t necessary. Two nights ago, Warden Terry Raybon approved the original religious plan that Kenny Smith and I submitted over a month ago. This action means that the State of Alabama has agreed to all of the religious liberty requests we made in the first place. If the execution of Smith happens, it will be conducted in a way that honors his religious liberty. The lawsuit has secured Smith’s religious liberty and those who might come after him. Such a victory did not manifest based on simply asking…it came based on the force of pursuing legal action. Religious liberty is seldom surrendered without force…particularly for those who are scheduled to be executed. I’m very proud that we’ve won this round…but the development is of course bittersweet.

I released the following statement immediately after I found out about the resolution of our lawsuit:

“Wow. The State of Alabama seems willing to do whatever it takes to execute Kenneth Smith. Late yesterday, the State sent word that it had agreed to all of the religious liberty requests contained in my lawsuit. If Kenneth is executed, I will be able to share the Eucharist with him before he enters the chamber, anoint his head with oil when I enter the chamber and place my hands on him while praying and reading scripture during the execution process. To accommodate such actions, the State has agreed to not place the mask on Kenneth’s face until the anointing of oil is completed. While I know that this huge victory will not save Kenneth’s life or make the execution chamber any safer for me, I do take some solace in the fact that my efforts have secured his religious liberty and the religious liberty of all who might be executed in the future using nitrogen hypoxia. In the coming days, I will continue ministering to Kenneth, work to stop his execution and prepare my family for the very real possibility that I will not return from this execution if it goes forward.”

Religious liberty matters…and Kenny Smith’s have now been secured. Now, it’s time to focus my/our *nonviolent efforts on trying to stop this execution. If we don’t…then we’re all condemned.

December 31, 2023

Death: The Cost of Conviction: On Kenny Smith, Alabama & Me

Conviction is defined by defiance amid injustice. Of course, conviction is full of dangerous consequences. Indeed, it is the possession of such conviction that leads to spaces of great sacrifice. You don’t know where you might end up until you get there. Danger resides everywhere on these moral journeys. Not the danger that kills immediately…more so, the type of danger that will kill you slowly…one fraught choice at a time. If you feel like you’re dying…that’s what you signed up for…that’s the nature of conviction.

Some are surprised to find themselves amid the consequence of their own conviction. Not I. From a young age, I was aware of the death of Jesus on the cross. Perhaps better phrased…I knew that the good guy always gets killed in the end. Sure, there is the wonderful resurrection that happens after…but one must travel through death to get there. I’ve known that the consequence of my conviction is death. I just assumed it would be a physical event not a repeated spiritual event. I guess if you stare at a cross long enough…it would be easy to forget that the person hanging there had actual thoughts, feelings and emotions bound together in a soul.

Each time I’ve accompanied one of my guys (who I’ve deeply loved) into an execution chamber this year (Scott Eizember, Arthur Brown, Anthony Sanchez and Casey McWhorter), I have faced the immediate explosion of moral ease. I can’t help but wonder if I could have done more to stop the execution I am about to witness. Honestly, I always feel like it’s my fault. Could I have campaigned harder? Could I have written a stronger clemency letter? Could I have somehow helped the legal strategy? Is there one more thing that I could have done that would have kept this from happening? The questions always percolate in my soul. Then, one is quickly snapped back to reality based on the need of the moment. One might have been deficient before…but they are going to make damn sure they’re not deficient now. I pray louder. I read louder. I hope louder. I speak love louder. It doesn’t matter what you do…they are going to kill the person in front of you…and they are going to make sure you feel it. The body begins to contort. Death comes quickly. Your body begins to contort. I feel my soul being ripped apart from someone that I love. As I walk out the door, I know that I have held my convictions…but so what…everybody is dead…and I was unable to do anything to stop it. Life is impossible when you are committed to hanging on a cross…sometimes with someone else…but most often…alone. You don’t get over it. You just hang up there until you bleed out.

If his execution happens, I’m scheduled to be present with Kenny Smith in Alabama on January 25. Over a year ago, the State botched his execution. Torture would be an understatement. Now, the State is planning on killing him by the experimental practice of nitrogen hypoxia. Torture would be anyone’s best guess. So why would anyone sign up to be present with someone amid such? Perhaps our conviction is also a form of torture. They make us hold tight until they kill our soul and eventually our body. Though we’re clearly in different positions, I can’t help but feel like I too am about to be tortured. The pain that I feel will be based on watching a horror that I so desperately want to prevent. Death is welcome when the alternative is a compromised survival. The convict…the convicted…are left to die together…surrounded by executioners.

There is a price of defiance. There is a price of conviction.

January 1, 2024

Stop Nitrogen Hypoxia: Meet Us in Alabama!

In a little over three weeks, the State of Alabama intends to strap a mask on the face of Kenny Smith as tight as possible to create an airtight. Then, prison officials will step back, allow nitrogen to flow into the mask and wait for Smith to be declared dead. If successful, this new execution procedure known as “nitrogen hypoxia” will become the latest option in a long line of procedures dubbed more humane than the last. Think about it, in the late 1800s…the electric chair was considered merciful compared to hanging, in the 1980s…lethal injection was hailed as a simple medical procedure compared to electrocution and now…nitrogen hypoxia is being sold as something that just makes the condemned drift away from this life on a cloud. In each of these moments, innovation was sold as progress. Of course, anyone with any sort of understanding of what true progress is…realizes that killing is never progress. Executions are as morally fraught then as it is now…no matter what method is used to carry it out.

Presently, I am fighting to save the life of Kenny Smith with a broad coalition of partners. We all believe that Smith’s is a life that’s worth saving. But we’re not unaware of the fact that if Kenny Smith is killed by nitrogen hypoxia…a great many will be killed after him by the same method.

The arrival of this moment is due at least in part to the vast successes of the abolition movement.

Lethal injections are harder to carry out than they ever have been before. Drugs have become nearly impossible to acquire. Litigation has created roadblocks to easy implementation. Campaigns to abolish the death penalty has created more scrutiny than ever before. It’s as if all this success has led to the need for a much easier means of execution.

Enter nitrogen hypoxia…

If you decided you needed a cylinder of nitrogen gas, there are places that could get it by the end of the day. The nitrogen hypoxia protocol is far simpler than the lethal injection protocol. There is no need for needles, searching for veins or a whole host of possibly complicating factors. The training required to successfully perform such an execution is less specialized. If you can strap someone down and put a mask over their face then you can perform the execution procedure. It has even been reported that the method is also much cheaper…which would make sense…since nitrogen hypoxia requires so much less to make it work. I could go on…but the point is that states are going to sprint to this new method of execution if it lives up to the ease that is being promised.

So what is the abolitionist to do?

Most seem to just want to do nothing…except sit back and watch to see if it works…until it directly comes to their state. Such thinking is deeply misguided. Because, by the time nitrogen hypoxia gets to your state it will be too late. The floodgates of a new wave of executions will be upon you. Now…Kenny Smith…is the moment to take our stand.

I am asking you to join us in the fight to save the life of Kenny Smith. For Kenny of course. But also, for the people sitting on death rows around the country who could be next.

Will you meet us in Alabama?

January 3, 2024

Walk Away: On Moral Embarrassment, Alabama & Kenny Smith

Earlier today I came across the following headline,

“The Alabama Supreme Court has officially given the order to carry out the nation’s first nitrogen hypoxia execution.”

The article contained the following announcement,

“Starting at 12 a.m. on the 25th, the Alabama Department of Corrections will have 30 hours to execute Smith with nitrogen gas. The order expires at 6 a.m. on Jan. 26. If successful, Smith will be the nation’s first execution by nitrogen hypoxia.”

When the Pharisees caught a woman in adultery, they sent out a similar order. I can just imagine,

“Religious leaders officially give out order for woman caught in adultery to be stoned!”

The article might have given a place,

“The Temple courts…”

There are assumptions contained in both announcements.

The Alabama Supreme Court thinks that it has the moral authority to set the time and place of the murder of someone. The religious leaders in Jesus’ day did too.

The Alabama Supreme Court thinks that it has the moral authority to set the method to kill someone. The religious leaders of Jesus’ day did too.

If this execution goes forward, Kenneth Smith will be drug into Alabama’s execution chamber as a guilty man. No one disputes that he committed a horrible crime. The Pharisees dragged the adulterous woman to her execution as someone who was guilty. No one disputed it.

When the rocks were about to start flying, Jesus defiantly declared, “Let you who are without sin cast the first stone.” I have no doubt that Jesus is saying the same thing to all who think they have the moral authority to kill Kenneth Smith, “Let you who are without sin cast the first nitrogen hypoxia.”

After hearing the convicting words of Jesus, one by one the religious leaders walked away in embarrassment. In the coming weeks, as I and many others campaign to remind people that Kenneth Smith is a person both made in the image of God and deeply loved by God. I hope that all officials involved with this horrific moment in Alabama will have the same moral embarrassment that the religious leaders did. I hope they will consider the magnitude of their own sins…and simply walk away.

January 4, 2024

The United Nations, Kenny Smith & Alabama: Nuanced

The United Nations (a panel of their experts) issued a press release today entitled, “United States: UN experts alarmed at prospect of first-ever untested execution by nitrogen hypoxia in Alabama.” In it, various international experts call for Kenneth (Kenny) Smith’s execution in Alabama to be stayed…citing their concern that the method of nitrogen hypoxia could possibly result in a “painful and humiliating” death. Of course, they’re right. There is no doubt in my mind that Alabama doesn’t know what’s going to happen when their protocol is carried out. How could they? The execution method of nitrogen hypoxia has never been tried before. As Kenny’s spiritual advisor, I have a tremendous amount at stake in this conversation. If the method goes wrong or is botched, I could also be in danger. Which is what brings me to a somewhat nuanced view of the usefulness of the statement that the United Nations put out.

For decades, the United Nations has released statements such as this about executions in the United States. For decades, such statements have been ignored. As a child of the South (even educated in Alabama), I know a little bit about the pride that runs deep in the Southern consciousness. Across a broad spectrum of identities, Southerners are known for not taking kindly to unsolicited outside advice. This is why I often question the thinking that the United Nations is going to be one of the vehicles to stop one of these executions. If anything, it seems like most Southerners are going to respond in the opposite direction…i.e. a press release from the (sometimes derided) United Nations is going to make Southern politicians and judges want to proceed with the execution even more. Southern politicians love thumbing their noses at outside experts. I’m not advocating for the closed thinking of my fellow Southerners…I’m just saying that such thinking is what it is… and I have found these statements/releases less than helpful in our efforts to persuade Southern politicians and judges to stop an execution.

While I am thankful for the words of the United Nation’s experts and the efforts that many experts familiar with the case have put forward to secure this statement (and it is certainly helpful in some quarters), I want to make sure that people advocating for Kenny realize the possible consequences of relying solely (or even primarily) on such a release for their advocacy. Southern politicians and judges need to hear from Southerners if we are ever going to be able to stop this or any other execution. Presently, we must concentrate on mobilizing people and getting our message out in Alabama.

Kenny (and everyone else threatened by this nitrogen hypoxia method) deserves all the energy you have.

January 4, 2024

A Vision, Dumpsters and Kenneth Smith in Alabama

Deep in prayer this evening, I sought God’s guidance. I was transported to another place. There, I saw dumpsters full of people. Each dumpster was labeled in particular ways. The labels didn’t seem to matter as much as the dumpsters full of people. As I stood there, I kept seeing people thrown away in different dumpsters. Each time, a label was affixed to the person, and they were placed in the dumpster that corresponded to their label. As I tried to ascertain what was going on, I realized that society was declaring that these people don’t matter based on the label that was affixed to them. I began to cry at the inhumanity of it all. Then, I saw a person that I had pretended didn’t matter…that I had ignored…in a dumpster of my own creation. Quickly, I realized that all are guilty of creating dumpsters where we throw people away. Indeed, it quickly becomes horrifically apparent that modernity is defined by one thing…our dumpsters full of people we have discarded. I called out to God, “We must save these people from this fate!” Without saying a word, God pointed to a dumpster full of the vilest people one could imagine. I recognized some of them from my work on various death rows. Others I’d known from the news. Still others from crimes that had been committed against people that I love. After a few seconds, God demanded of me, “Are you ready to empty that dumpster? Are you ready to bring them back?” It took me a second. Some of the people that I saw had hurt so many people. In my hesitation, I heard God say, “If you leave them in there, you will be leaving part of yourself, your children and your children’s children in there as well.” I didn’t understand. “What you have done to the least of these you have done to me,” God reminded me. Then, I realized that the presence of God that had been guiding me was in the dumpster of people I was hesitant to release. I realized that I was the impediment for people seeing the hand of God in the land of the living…because I was responsible for leaving God…and a variety of others in the dumpster. My heart was overwhelmed. The presence of God became as real as I have ever encountered. “No more dumpsters,” God said, “No more dumpsters.”

On January 25, the State of Alabama intends to kill Kenneth (Kenny) Smith. Kenny matters because we all matter. If Kenny doesn’t matter, then none of us matters. If our society is ever to become healthy, our mindset has to change from subtraction to addition. Indeed, the path of God is always…and has always been…about pulling people out of the dumpster instead of putting people in.

January 9, 2024

God Died in Alabama...Suffocated By Nitrogen Hypoxia.

God died in Alabama. The death wasn’t natural. The manner was a homicide. God suffocated. Never to be heard from again. Maybe not viscerally. How could one murder God? Sometimes our minds are imprisoned by the constraints of imagination.

The death of God happened when morality slowly expired in the hearts and minds of Alabamians. When the populace became convinced that Jesus’ admonition to “Love your neighbor as you Love yourself” was a silly admonition for those who don’t understand the complexities of society. I mean Love is such a strong word. Besides, who is one’s neighbor? The only neighbors that most Alabamians know are the neighbors who look just like them. Such a lack of awareness is deadly when it comes to God. We are talking about a God who thrives on Love for all. Societies are judged from the bottom up not the top down. Under such a measurement, all begins at the bottom. So where does the death of all lead? If God Loves all…then to not Love all is to not Love God. Without Love God becomes nothing more than a figment of the imagination of a populace. Something that they think they know something about…but truly have no knowledge of whatsoever. God breathes Love in and exhales Love out. Without Love, God has no breath. God is suffocated. God dies. Indeed, God died in Alabama when it left what should have been its’ first Love…the God whose name is Love.

Suffocation. The suffocation of Love. Such suffocation is obviously at the forefront of the minds of Alabamians right now. In fact, the State is trying very hard to become the first State to execute someone using the method of suffocation…calling it nitrogen hypoxia. Kenny Smith was convicted of a heinous murder over 30 years ago and now Alabamians are determined to suffocate him. Why? Love is dead in the hearts of Alabamians…and all manner of lunacy has become common. Can you imagine the Love of God ever leading someone to suffocate someone else? Love doesn’t do such things.

Alabamians have killed God. Love is gone. Love suffocated. Love was executed via nitrogen hypoxia.

January 11, 2024

Dr. Joseph Antognini : A Campaign Against Dr. Death

Early this morning, I sent the letter below to the Medical Board of California regarding Dr. Joseph Antognini. If you are as appalled as I am that a medical professional (in clear violation of the admonition to "do no harm") is out here getting paid (thousands upon thousands of dollars) by state governments to defend their execution protocols, I urge you to do the same. There is ample evidence below (included in my complaint below contacts) to include in your complaint. The Medical Board of California can be reached in the following ways:

Central Complaint Unit

Toll-Free: 1-800-633-2322

Phone: (916) 263-2382

Email: Complaint@mbc.ca.gov

+Dr. Antognini also serves as an Emeritus Professor of Anesthesiology at UC, Davis Health. It is also appropriate to send complaints to his bosses, who can be reached at:

Dr. David Lubarsky, UC, Davis Health CEO

vclubarsky@ucdavis.edu

Dr. Coleen Clancy, UC, Davis Health Associate Vice Chancellor (call 530-754-0254)

ceclancy@ucdavis.edu

Dr. Susan Murin, Dean, UC, Davis Medical School (call 916-734-4110)

sxmurin@ucdavis.edu

1/11/2024

Medical Board of California:

With regards to capital punishment in the United States, Sacramento, California anesthesiologist and University of California, Davis Health Emeritus Medical Professor Dr. Joseph Antognini might be the unrivaled, Dr. Death. For years, Dr. Antognini has repeatedly testified in proceeding after proceeding that the various manifestations of execution methods used by states are perfectly safe and relatively painless. Of course, such testimony is a general violation of the Hippocratic Oath’s generally understood mandate to, “do no harm.” But, even further than that, it is a clear violation of the guidelines of The American Medical Association’s Code of Medical Ethics and The American Board of Anesthesiology, Inc’s guidelines regarding capital punishment:

Opinion 9.7.3 on Capital Punishment in The American Medical Association’s Code of Medical Ethics clearly states,

An individual’s opinion on capital punishment is the personal moral decision of the individual. However, as a member of a profession dedicated to preserving life when there is hope of doing so, a physician must not participate in a legally authorized execution.

The opinion goes on to define participation as falling into “one or more of the following categories.” Though there are a variety of categories listed, those relevant to Dr. Joseph Antognini include:

(b) Would assist, supervise, or contribute to the ability of another individual to directly cause the death of the condemned.

(h) Attending or observing an execution as a physician.

(i) Rendering of technical advice regarding execution.

The opinion goes to include a variety of “actions that do not constitute physician participation in execution.” None of these actions excuse the grave ethical offenses of Dr. Joseph Antognini.

(source https://code-medical-ethics.ama-assn.org/ethics-opinions/capital-punishment)

The American Board of Anesthesiology, Inc. has guidelines with regard to the ethical practice of anesthesiology. The most pertinent line of their guidelines is simple,

The American Board of Anesthesiology, Inc., like the American Medical Association, believes strongly that physicians should not be involved in capital punishment.

As an Anesthesiologist, Dr. Joseph Antognini has absolutely no business participating in the promotion or maintenance of the capital punishment process.

(source https://www.theaba.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/Capital_Punishment.pdf)

As a result, Dr. Joseph Antognini’s actions are also a clear violation of various manifestations of the California Medical Board’s standard of patient care that require professional conduct as deemed professional by the current norms of the profession.

Through his affiliation with the University of California, Davis Health, Dr. Antognini has repeatedly used his stature to make a significant amount of money. If his fees haven’t changed since 2020, Dr. Antognini makes $400 an hour, $2,000 for a deposition, $4,000 per day in court and $2,000 per travel day (Isaac Arnsdorf, ProPublica, 2020, https://www.propublica.org/article/inside-trump-and-barrs-last-minute-killing-spree ).

A declared Roman Catholic, Dr. Antognini claims to have no moral qualms with bolstering various state’s ability to make sure the killing continues. I can assure you that the Pope won’t be testifying for any state trying to execute people anytime soon.

Dr. Joseph Antognini is willing to set aside both professional standards and his proclaimed faith if the price is right.

Just a few weeks ago, I encountered Dr. Antognini at a hearing for the new nitrogen hypoxia protocol in Alabama. There is an absurdity to his testimony and actions that day that I want to share. But before I do, here is an assortment of quotes from articles about Dr. Antognini’s unprofessional and unprincipled efforts…to get paid…while making sure the death penalty continues.

In 2018, Dr. Joseph Antognini testified for the State of Missouri against Russell Bucklew’s efforts to be executed by nitrogen gas:

“Dr. Joseph Antognini testified it (nitrogen hypoxia) might actually cause more suffering than a phenobarbital injection. He also wrote the mask might leak and potentially endanger the execution team.”

-Pat Pratt, Columbia Daily Tribune

https://www.columbiatribune.com/story/news/crime/2018/08/17/hawley-responds-to-execution-appeal/11024161007/

In 2019, Dr. Joseph Antognini testified for the State of Arkansas and their efforts to continue executing prisoners by their lethal injection protocol:

“Dr. Joseph Antognini, an anesthesiologist with the University of California-Davis Medical Center, was then called to testify. He said that he has handled about 10,000 cases of anesthesia over the years. In the past, Antognini said he used midazolam to induce patients for general anesthesia, but no longer uses the drug for that purpose because newer and better drugs have been released.

He testified that the dose used by Arkansas would keep an inmate unable to feel pain.

‘It’s my opinion that the drug midazolam at 500 milligrams administered intravenously would render an inmate insensate, unconscious and insensate to a noxouis stimuli or unable to perceive pain that might occur or arise from other drugs or stimuli,’ Antognini said.

Most of the times Antognini has used midazolam, he said, has been in low doses as a sedative to calm patients before surgery.”

-Michael Hibblen, KUAR

https://www.ualrpublicradio.org/local-regional-news/2019-04-29/expert-witnesses-for-the-state-contradict-previous-testimony-in-lethal-injection-trial

In 2020, Dr. Joseph Antognini testified for the United States Federal Government’s efforts to continue their execution spree:

“BOP’s second expert witness was a medical doctor: retired California anesthesiologist Joseph F. Antognini. Antognini has said he personally opposes the death penalty as a Catholic. But he also said he believes states have a right to his advice, comparing it to criminal defendants’ right to a lawyer.

Antognini has not addressed how he squares his testimony supporting executions with his Hippocratic oath. He did raise ethical considerations when he was asked to compare lethal injection to poison gas (a comparison between methods, like the one Lindsley made). ‘Recommending one method of execution over another, I guess that’s an ethical issue for me,’ he said in a deposition.

Antognini’s rare position as a doctor vouching for lethal injection has made him a valuable witness in capital cases, including a Missouri case that later reached the Supreme Court. Antognini charges $400 an hour, $2,000 for a deposition, $4,000 per day in court and $2,000 per travel day.”

-Isaac Arnsdorf, ProPublica, 2020

https://www.propublica.org/article/inside-trump-and-barrs-last-minute-killing-spree

In 2022, Dr. Joseph Antognini testified on behalf of the State of Oklahoma and their efforts to keep killing people by lethal injection (he even described attending an execution):

“An anesthesiologist and professor at the University of California, Davis, Dr. Joseph Antognini is perhaps best known for lending his expertise to President Donald Trump’s Justice Department during its federal execution spree (2020-2021), arguing that executing two people with Covid-19 would not heighten their risk of suffering. More recently, he attended the execution of Donald Grant.”

“The Food and Drug Administration label for midazolam noted that it could be used ‘intravenously for the induction of general anesthesia before the administration of other anesthetic agents.’ Despite this language, Antognini pointed to the FDA label as evidence that midazolam could be used on its own to anesthetize a person for lethal injection.”

“Nevertheless, Antognini testified that Grant’s execution had gone smoothly.”

-Liliana Segura, The Intercept, 2022

https://theintercept.com/2022/07/10/lethal-injection-oklahoma-trial-midazolam/

Missouri. Arkansas. The Federal Government. Oklahoma. Amongst various others unnamed. Now, Alabama…and the State of Alabama’s attempt to use the untested method of nitrogen hypoxia.

In 2018 (Missouri), Dr. Joseph Antognini argued against nitrogen hypoxia as a method of execution by arguing that it could endanger the execution team (which in this case would include me as Kenny Smith’s spiritual advisor in Alabama). Just a few weeks ago, I heard Dr. Antognini talk about how safe the protocol for Alabama’s nitrogen hypoxia execution would be. I couldn’t believe my ears. I was sitting there listening to a doctor (and self-proclaimed follower of Jesus…) seem to not only devalue the life of someone facing execution but also everybody else in the room who will be there with them. It seems there isn’t much that this man won’t change his mind about if the price is right.

Incredulous, I walked out into the hallway to take a breath. The doors swung open, and I listened to one of the chief figures on the Alabama Attorney General’s team excitedly talk to Dr. Joseph Antognini about how great his testimony was. Then, I heard her ask Dr. Antognini if he would like to meet the Commissioner of the Alabama Department of Corrections. He responded with glee. I’d never seen a professional act like this. You would think he would at least keep this kind of behavior private.

It seems that money will cause people to do strange things…including turning their back on both their profession and their God.

In clear violation of a plethora of professional medical standards, Dr. Joseph Antognini has given paid professional medical testimony for numerous states to advance their execution protocols (including witnessing and analyzing an execution for the State of Oklahoma). These gross violations of his professional responsibilities should lead to the immediate revocation of his license to practice medicine in the State of California, the revocation of his affiliation with the University of California, Davis and the revocation of his membership in all relevant professional societies.

The Rev. Dr. Jeff Hood

January 20, 2024

The Simple Prayer of Kenneth Smith

Life is strange. The more we think we know the less we realize there is to know. Maybe better said, sometimes life is simple. The explosion of attention surrounding nitrogen hypoxia would make it easy to forget that there is a human in the midst of it all. Tonight, I was talking to Kenny Smith about everything he was/is going through. The pain of it all kept bubbling up. He is not doing well at all. Nausea. Vomiting. Nightmares. Chills. Panic attacks. It would have been easy to stay there caring for him. Trying to make sense of it all. But that’s not what Kenny wanted. Of course, all those things are real… more real than real for him…but he wanted to talk about other things that he was feeling…things beyond belief. So, I stopped trying to solve the symptoms and sat with him as he concentrated on the disease…the incestuous nature of evil. Of course, there is no greater evil for him than what the Alabama Department of Corrections has perpetuated and seeks to perpetuate on him. Repeatedly, he talked about transcending the world…all that has held him back…beating evil for the final time. It was a reminder that we do not battle against flesh and blood…we battle against manifestations of evil that are unseen…even beyond those that we see perpetuating them. Kenny tries desperately to see beyond what is…what is in this moment…to see what is to come. This is a talent that most don’t have. Most simply sit and drown in the horrors of the moment. Not Kenny. He sits and dreams about a destination far beyond this earthly plain. That’s the only way out. The only way beyond the sickness, fear and evil that currently afflicts him. Perhaps, the execution will be stopped. Perhaps, the execution will take place. No matter which path Kenny is forced to walk down…he has assured me that he will be ok. I believe him now more than I ever have. As I sat pondering it all…the things that were being said and the things that were being left unsaid…I was taken aback when Kenny interrupted to pray…seemingly out of nowhere. Of course, he prayed for a healthy number of people and things…but I was particularly surprised when he thanked God for being with me on this journey. The simple words served as a strong reminder. No matter what, God is with us. It’s that simple. Perhaps, there is little else to know beyond that.

January 21, 2024

AL. COM

Guest opinion: Rage and the Alabama execution of Kenneth Smith by the new method of nitrogen hypoxia

The Rev. Jeff Hood

This is a guest opinion column

In March of 1988, Elizabeth Sennett was brutally murdered by two hitmen hired by her husband, Charles Sennett. One of those hitmen was Kenneth Smith. These facts are not in dispute. Nor should they be. What was done to Elizabeth Sennett should never be forgotten…ever. However, we remember evil so as not to perpetuate it…not as a means of manufacturing rage.

In the State of Alabama, a great many want to see Kenneth Smith executed. The present self-serving platitudes of politicians illustrate as much. There are even those who say they would execute Smith themselves. Such people illustrate why rage is something we travel through, not to. Indeed, these people most often know nothing about the case or anything that surrounds it. They just want a reason to rage. Manufactured rage causes us to do really stupid things.

Presently, I serve as Kenneth Smith’s spiritual advisor. Of course, Smith is shortly scheduled to be executed by the novel method of nitrogen hypoxia. Let there be no doubt, I am opposed to the death penalty. I find it barbaric. I know Smith. I could fill pages with reasons why you shouldn’t execute him. I could tell you that it is evil to kill people. I could tell you that the jury didn’t sentence Smith to death. I could tell you about the proud father and grandfather that he has become. I could tell you about the worship services he helps lead. Unfortunately, the State of Alabama has repeatedly ignored such arguments and I have no doubt that my arguments would meet the same demise. Such reflex is part of maintaining manufactured rage. Dismiss everything reasonable to keep trying to meet evil with evil…while calling it something other than evil.

Nitrogen hypoxia is an untested unproven form of execution. Never has nitrogen intentionally forced into the lungs of the condemned through a mask until there is no oxygen left. Kenneth Smith is basically going to be suffocated to death. Since no one has ever been executed by nitrogen hypoxia before, we simply don’t know the extent of the evil that might be unleashed. I am convinced that a great many like the cruel and unusual nature of it all. Of course, they haven’t had to have the conversations that our family has.

Throughout history, spiritual advisors have accompanied the condemned to their executions. In recent years, the United States Supreme Court has repeatedly protected such a right. Since I serve in this role with Kenneth Smith, I will be there with him in the chamber. In a waiver I was forced to sign, the State of Alabama has basically admitted that while they know the nitrogen poses a risk to me in the chamber…they’re just not sure how big of a risk. How many times have you heard government tell us to trust them…only to be given over to dreadful consequences? Like you, I don’t trust government in the slightest. Can you imagine allowing government to have this level of control on your life? Manufactured rage seems to grow dumber with time. An experimental form of execution that could kill everybody in the room in the event of a leak? Come on…

Can you imagine if ministers throughout the State of Alabama were forced to sign a waiver… To preach next Sunday? To offer communion? To lead the choir? To pray? To counsel? There are few greater forms of tyranny that I can think of than government forcing ministers to sign waivers to live out their callings. Yet here we are. The State that claims to fight tyranny the most, being amongst the chief perpetuator of it. Manufactured rage strikes again.

Trust is not manufactured. It is earned. So, if the State of Alabama wants me to trust it in this process then send Governor Kay Ivey into the chamber with me. If the nitrogen leaks, the Governor and I can go see Jesus together. Indeed, I’ve heard that she too is a person of strong faith. I hope that hers like mine rests on more than just government.

Presently, I only know to follow my faith. If I am to give my life, so be it. God has called me to stand with those that nobody else will. The risks be damned.

Honestly, I still can’t believe this conversation is even necessary. Don’t people know that murder is wrong? Don’t people want to stop killing each other? Don’t people want to figure out ways to save lives rather than destroying them? Don’t people think that suffocating another person is at least a little problematic? Don’t people even try to love their enemies anymore? Don’t people…? The questions seem endless.

Manufacturing rage is a foolish task with no moral destination. The bizarre risks and consequences of nitrogen hypoxia prove it. Surely, Elizabeth Sennett deserves more than all of this.

January 23, 2024

Tyranny of Uncertainty: Kenneth Smith, Nitrogen Hypoxia & I

There is no tyranny greater than the tyranny of uncertainty. When you can hold all possibilities…you are able to hold all fears…and when you hold all fears you are able to hold all control. In recent months, the State of Alabama has refused to share even the simplest of evidence of safety precautions that they have in place for the first nitrogen hypoxia execution. We know about as much about the execution of Kenny Smith as we did when it was first announced that the State was going to pursue this new form of nitrogen hypoxia. Uncertainty reigns.

When I agreed to be Kenny Smith's spiritual advisor, I did so because I didn’t want him to be alone in the darkest hour of his life. As such an hour approaches, my motivation remains Kenny. Though this is a very dangerous method of execution, I keep my focus on Kenny.

Danger. We know that the nitrogen will flow into the mask. We know that there will be nitrogen that comes out of the mask. We know that nitrogen can fill up a room. We know that when nitrogen fills up a room, it is deadly. A human being cannot breathe pure nitrogen without repercussions. We need oxygen. This is truth.

Truth is the only thing that can give us breath. Right now, through their secrecy, their redacted protocol and their refusal to engage the simplest of information…the state of Alabama is denying me oxygen. I need oxygen to breathe. The oxygen that I metaphorically need to function…truth.

We have put out several safety demands…to which the State of Alabama has not responded. They are not willing to engage the simplest safety measures. The State of Alabama has not responded to the truth that experts have shared over and over. I guess this should make sense…since they are so comfortable taking the life of a human being in this manner…suffocation. If they are prepared to kill someone in such a way…what would it mean to kill someone else? It seems that it would mean very little.

I’m not afraid to give my life. I am more afraid of not giving my life for what I believe. But there is a tyranny of uncertainty that the State of Alabama maintains that has certainly given my family and I pause. How could it not? They should be ashamed of themselves…ashamed. A few nights ago, my son Phillip came to me with tears in his eyes and wanted to make sure that I’d be ok. Of course, I told him that I would. He asked how I could be sure. The only reply that I could muster was, “I don’t know.” The State of Alabama hasn’t given me a better answer.

The tyranny of uncertainty that the State of Alabama has created has given tremendous stress to people that I deeply love. Once again, they should be ashamed. But of course, they won’t be. Those who are this comfortable being murderers have no shame.

January 26, 2024

The World’s First Nitrogen Execution

The Only Eyewitness Account of the Execution of Kenneth Smith

Holman Prison in Atmore, Alabama is a place of nightmares. Sounds of rain echoed outside Holman that January day, but it was nothing compared to the tears hitting the floor inside. There are few sounds I’ve heard that were as jarring as the cries that accompanied those tears. For days, Kenny Smith had been given the opportunity to say goodbye, and the goodbyes culminated in those final minutes. As Kenny’s spiritual advisor, I knew that I would get to talk to him again before he was executed. The rest of the gathered wouldn’t have such a luxury. When time was up, Kenny was asked to come to the door by multiple guards. I was left to minister to those who were leaving. I didn’t know what else to say except, “I love you.” How else do you comfort people in such a time? I did the best I could.

Now left alone, I could see through the windows that everyone who had left was looking at me in the visiting room. Knowing they were so desperate for one more second, I felt guilty that I was going to get to spend more time with Kenny. But I couldn’t keep thinking about it. I had work to do. Behind the door where Kenny was taken, I could hear a bit of commotion. I didn’t know what it was until later.

Solitude is a frightening position in times of heightened tension. You’re left to deal with the horror of uncertainty. There was an extended delay and I repeatedly cried out to God for guidance. The only thing that I heard was, “Keep going.” So, I did. I walked all over the visiting room. I guess you could say that every step was a prayer.

Eventually, I noticed that you could see into the offices of the prison. I watched the staff of the Alabama Attorney General and Department of Corrections walk around the hallway of the offices through a small window. When they noticed me watching, they got sheets of paper to cover the window. I knew they were cowards, but to fear me seeing them took that cowardice to a new level. I tried to just shake it off. There was nothing I could do about it. I just kept praying. “Maybe God will suffocate their murderous desires with love?” Of course, suffocation was on my mind.

One cannot overstate how incompetent the execution squad of Holman Prison is. In recent years, the Holman guards had botched more executions than any other squad in the country. So I was concerned about what was to come. I thought about my wife and kids. I prayed they would know how much I loved them. Such thoughts briefly gave way to tears. Then, I brought myself back to the task at hand: prayer, fierce prayer. I heard the voices, “Keep going.”

The smell of food shocked me at such a precarious moment. I could see tins of it being delivered through the front door, accompanied by boisterous talking and laughter. I realized it was for the party after the execution. These folks did not care that they were murdering someone, they were just excited about the brisket. I’d worn myself out walking all over the room, and the extreme stress compounded it all. So much so, that I allowed myself to lay down on a few chairs. Lights started to spin. I stared at the lights and was taken by them. I was so alone, so tired. I realized that I was dozing off. Hell, I’d been awake for almost three days straight. In the confusion of it all, I repeatedly heard the cry of Jesus…which I assumed was also now the cry of Kenny, “Couldn’t you just stay awake with me?” Minutes later, the guards broke the confusion and loudly called my name. It was time. I jumped up. Unsteady on my feet, I wobbled back and forth. I couldn’t get my legs up under me and the guard couldn’t figure out what was going on. Leaning against the table, I pulled it together. Or maybe God did, I don’t know. I just knew it was time to proceed with the execution. I had to walk. Kenny needed me.

Each step caused my stomach to grow tighter and tighter. I was so sick. I literally thought that my nerves might make me shit myself. If my nerves didn’t, the condition of the prison might. The hallways smelled like decomposing flesh. I felt like I was going to turn a corner and find a meat locker full of the bodies of former prisoners. It is hard to find words to do justice to the overwhelming terror of the smell alone. In recent years, various parts of the prison had been condemned. It is easy to see why. Trying to find some relief, I tried to make small talk with the guard who was escorting me, but she wasn’t having it. One of the other guards had informed me earlier that I had the reputation of a troublemaker. “Good trouble,” I replied. I couldn’t help but notice that there was fresh paint on the walls and that the floors were freshly scrubbed. It was like they thought that they could cover up all the evil with paint and cleaner. Little did they know, evil don’t cover up that easily.

When we arrived at the huge metal door, I knew where we were. We were very close to death. The guard knocked three times. The door slowly swung open. Guards lined the wall. Not at attention. More like they were all just hanging out. The commotion surrounding everything other than the execution was deafening. There was a television playing the old sitcom, “Wings.” I hadn’t seen the show in years and never really thought that it was all that good then. Can you imagine if the last thing you watched was some shitty 90’s sitcom? Other guards had leaned back in their chairs and fallen asleep. The unprofessional nature of it all was absolutely shocking. I heard multiple guards say, “I’m hungry, I’m just ready to get this over with so we can eat.” They are within speaking distance of a man about to die who hadn’t had much to eat all day…talking about how they couldn’t wait for him to die so that they could eat?!?! When they finally opened the door to let me see Kenny, he was making his final phone calls. Of course, there were multiple people that he wanted to call. Instead of helping him, the guards acted like they were annoyed that they had to dial the number. Nobody wanted distraction from their sitcom, naps, and insensitive conversations. The demons of dispassion frolicked all over the room.

As Kenny spoke to his sisters and his son, I kept a steady eye on the oxygen monitor (clearly manufactured by co2meter.com). The reading was 25.4 which was higher than the 22 that I had observed previously in the week. I figured that they had to be pumping oxygen into the chamber. I started to get a headache, but tried desperately to ignore it and keep all my focus on Kenny. I couldn’t find my Bible in the rush to get to the prison that morning, so I had to use a Gideons Bible from the hotel. As I was talking to Kenny, I started tearing little pieces off the Bible out of nerves. Then, Kenny told me what happened when he’d left the visiting chamber. Multiple guards told him strip off all of his clothes. Angry, Kenny resisted, but was immediately forced to comply. Once they had all off his clothes off, Kenny shook his dick at them. Immediately, they snatched him and made him put his clothes back on. I knew I’d heard a commotion.

The front of the waiting cell is covered with plexiglass, as if you are sitting in a fishbowl. Multiple guards noticed me tearing at the cover of the Bible and started to stare fiercely. I didn’t care. Tearing the cover of a Bible was not against any rules or regulations. When he was done on the phone, Kenny and I talked briefly about our two favorite subjects: love and life. He wanted me to make sure I told his family how much he loved them. Then, he wanted me to make sure that I told the world that he wasn’t just ready to go, but that he was ecstatic about it. He joyously talked about his release date and the fact that he was finally getting out of prison. Through it all, I wanted to make sure he was ok. He said “I ain’t scared of no valley of the shadow of death.” Even in his final moments, Kenny wanted me to know that we were marching forward together. It’s ironic, I was working my ass off to comfort him…but he was working his ass off to comfort me. We proceeded forth as brothers.

We briefly went over his final words as the guard banged on the cell. It was time for me to go. I assured him I’d be back shortly. Kenny made it clear how he felt, “I ain’t worried about you. I ain’t never been worried about you.” Standing up, I got dizzy again. It was cold. I kept pushing to do what I was told. As I left, I briefly turned my head back to Kenny. The joy in his face assured me that he wasn’t putting anyone on. He was genuinely happy at the thought of finally getting out of Holman. If I were him, I would be too. I passed an area on my right that the Department of Corrections was using as a staging area, and I couldn’t get past the fact that they were plotting their final moves behind a curtain. I realized that death was getting closer. I could smell it. I kept praying that God would be with Kenny. I felt the presence of evil as viscerally as I ever had. Evil incarnate was behind that curtain.

“Can I please go to the bathroom?” I knew if I had to hold it through the execution, I’d never make it. There was some confusion as to whether I could go or not. Even taking a piss was controversial in prison. It wasn’t too long after I left the bathroom that I was called to go back to the waiting room. Along the way, I tried once more to strike up a conversation with the guard. To my surprise, she briefly relented and made it very clear that she didn’t want to participate in any of this. I pondered the way that evil so often traps even the most unwilling participant. I guess that’s the nature of systems that suffocate? When we arrived back at the big metal door, the guard started to knock in increments of three, but nobody came to the door. I realized that Kenny was being true to his word. He’d assured me that he wasn’t going to go quietly. Feeling like she had to say something, the guard stated the obvious, “He’s resisting.” I found myself strangely proud of him. Not for the violence, but for the fact that he refused to allow his murder to happen easily. Shouldn’t it be difficult to kill someone? Finally, the door opened. I was scared, but I was determined to fear no evil.

I noticed that the guards in the waiting cell area were all gone. I wondered where they went. Then, the huge door to the chamber opened. Wonder turned to a cold reality. The guards were now lining the small walls of the execution chamber. They were no longer the unprofessional group I’d encountered before; they were now licensed murderers at attention, otherwise known as an execution squad. I had to stop and look around for a split second. There were at least twelve guards in the room along with the regional director of prisons, Cynthia Stewart-Riley. I couldn’t believe that it took all these folks to strap Kenny to that gurney. I’d never seen anything like it. Kenny is not that big of a dude, and some of these guards were huge. By the look on Kenny’s face though, I could tell he was very proud of his efforts. He just smiled and whispered, “I’m giving them hell.”

Nerves birthed nerves as I tried to command a vile of oil and a Bible in front of the prison staff. Of course, they all looked at me as if I was the devil incarnate. If their God was execution, then I guess I was. But I was certain that I was going to spill the oil all over the floor. Kenny whispered something I’ll never forget, “We got this.” We were walking deeper and deeper into the valley that both of us had dreaded so much. I started to read the 14th chapter of the Gospel of John.

“Jesus said… Do not let your hearts be troubled…” It was then that Kenny started to talk back with fierceness.

“I won’t.”

“Believe in God; believe also in me.”

“I do.”

“In my Father’s house there are many rooms;”

“Thank you, Jesus! Yes, Lord!”

“If it were not so, would I have told you that I’m going to prepare a place for you?”

“I believe!”

“And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come and get you that where I am there you will be also.”

“I’m so ready for freedom Jeff. This is my release date. Praise God! Hallelujah.”

“You know the way.”

“I’m not looking back…I know the way.” By this point, our words had become a symphony of spirituality. Kenny wanted everyone in the room to know that God was on our side. I also have no doubt that he wanted those on the outside to know what these moments were like.

“Jesus said, I am the way and the truth and the life.” In those moments, we were putting love and life into every second that we had together. We refused to walk through the valley without the deep spirituality that drew us to each other in the first place. Kenny was teaching me not to be afraid, to trust the way, to believe the truth, and to embrace life. Of course, these are peculiar truths to try to cling to when your friend is strapped to a gurney in front of you. Through it all, Kenny kept smiling and softly chanting “release date” when he wasn’t responding to the readings of the text. I was shocked. I’d never seen someone approach death with such fierceness, such courage. Nasty stares seemed to be getting closer. The eyes of the death squad reminded me that time was growing short. I rushed to the 23rd Psalm. The call and response began anew.

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.”

“Damn right!”

“He makes me lie down in green pastures.”

“Green as shit!”

“He restores my soul.”

“I feel it God!” “…he leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.”

“The one and only name!”

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…”

“We’re here Jeff!”

“I will fear no evil.”

“I ain’t fearing shit.”

“Thou art with me.”

“I really feel it.” As I was trying to get the oil ready, I skipped a few words by accident. Kenny laughed at the scene of it all.

“…though anoints my head with oil.” Then, I leaned over.

“Kenny Smith you are a beloved child of God. Go to that place where you have always known that you are from. Do not delay. Love is waiting to manifest in you the fullness of love. May the smell of this oil guide you to the fullness of who you were created to be. The oil of God…the promise of the life to come. Kenny, you are free…in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit…all beauty is now yours my friend. Go in power.”

The frankincense filled the room with an intense aroma. I wanted to make sure that Kenny was able to viscerally smell the presence of God. The excess oil was all over my hands. I rubbed it on the sheet that he was laying on. I didn’t want to take any excess smell with me. I knew that he would need it more than I. One of the guards moved his hand in a circular hurrying motion. Even in these final moments, they were trying to hurry the thing up. I wasn’t going to stop until I was done with what I’d planned to do.

To conclude, I read a passage that I read at every execution, the Gospel of John, chapter 8, verses 1 through 11. Kenny knew the words that were to come. He closed his eyes with a big grin on his face. When we were speaking earlier in the day, he wanted to make sure I read the passages loudly. I did. The story talks about a woman caught in adultery who was thrown at the feet of Jesus by government authorities intent on stoning her according to their law. When they demanded Jesus tell them what they should do, he got down in the dirt with the woman and intensely declared one of the most famous lines in all of scripture,

“You who are without sin cast the first stone!” Kenny had been quiet up until this point. But when he heard the words, he rose and spoke loudly to his executioners. “You know he’s talking to y’all right?!?!” Kenny wanted to make sure that his final act of resistance was confronting all these so-called Christian guards with the words of the savior they claimed to serve. I put my hand on his head once again and told him that God was with him. Repeatedly, he told me, “I’ve got this. I’ve got this. I’ve got this.” Then he paused for a second and said, “We’ve got this.” After making the sign of the cross again on his forehead, I turned to leave. As I was walking out the door, Kenny let out another encouragement, “Don’t be sad Jeff. It’s my release date.”

I took a deep breath to calm my nerves and started walking, trying to distract myself from the chaos around me. I was taken through the big doors of the prison and led down a different route than earlier. Suddenly, I found myself outside in the rain looking at the fence surrounding the prison. Honestly, I thought they might be trying to kick me out because I read the words of Jesus commanding them to stop. But then I was ushered into a trailer to find Kenny’s wife Dee Smith, his son Steven Tiggleman, his lawyer Robert Grass and a journalist named Lee Hedgepeth. They thought that the execution might have been delayed further, but when I told them that I’d already anointed Kenny with oil and that they were putting the mask on him, those hopes were quickly dashed. We exchanged a few words before I was taken away again.

The guard kindly offered me an umbrella, but I declined as the rain served as a reminder that this nightmare was real. As we entered back into the building, my wet feet made noise on the waxed floor, giving me a sense of control. When we approached the big metal door to the execution chamber, the guard knocked three times but there was no answer. We sat outside waiting for another extended period. No matter how many times she knocked, nobody answered. Growing frustrated, the guard declared, “He’s resisting again.” This time I decided to respond, “Wouldn’t you?” The response produced a deafening silence from the guard.

“If I live…I am God’s. If I die…I am God’s. No matter what happens…I am God’s.” The small prayer encompassed my attention for a time. Then, the dam broke and questions wouldn’t stop filling my mind.

Were they having to sedate him?

Will I be able to talk to him?

Were they roughing him up?

What is he going to look like?

Do they stop the execution if they can’t get the mask on?

How are these guys able to live with themselves after doing some shit like this?

Then I lifted my foot up and slammed it down. The sound startled the guard. I didn’t care, it was the only way that I could stop my mind. I closed my eyes. With every ounce of strength that I could muster, I projected myself to God. The prayer was simpler now. “Be near.” I don’t know how much time had passed. I just know that I was startled when the door opened.

“It’s time.”

Immediately, I realized that everyone was gone. The waiting cell was empty. The hallway was empty. The chairs were empty. Then, I heard footsteps behind me. Turning around, I noticed two goons in suits whose sole purpose was to escort me on the short walk to the execution chamber. When I asked if I needed to continue walking, they said nothing. I felt a hand on my back pushing me forward. Then, I felt more hands pushing me forward. There was nobody there.

Keep going.

I could hear audible whispers in my ear. My mind stopped. I knew who they were. I recognized their voices. I wasn’t walking alone.

Keep going.

On my left, I saw all of Kenny’s stuff in his cell. The rustled sheets stood out. Only a short time earlier, I’d sat on that bed and prayed with him. There were still traces of water in the shower. Trying to think more of presence than absence, I kept walking. Like the hearts of all the gathered, the hallway was cold. Whether I was getting too much or too little oxygen, I don’t know. I just know that I was feeling strange. I didn’t know if I was going to make it to the door. The oxygen monitor at the end of the hallway still read 25.4.

Keep going.

I finally made it. Briefly, I looked back. I was alone again. Haunted.

The guard opened the execution chamber. I turned toward the gurney. When I saw the mask for the first time, I gasped. I muttered “What in the fuck?” under my breath. I just couldn’t believe this was actually happening. The front of the mask was clear. It looked like a firefighter’s mask with a tube attached to the control center behind it. Straps attached to the gurney pulled the mask back in every direction, which pulled it unbelievably tight to Kenny’s face. I could see the skin around the rim bunched up. The top of the mask was right at his hairline. The bottom was at his chin. Kenny’s skin was red with irritation everywhere. Sensing my horror, Kenny looked up and said, again “We got this.”

I was moved to my spot at the back of the room. Through it all, I kept telling Kenny how much everybody loved him. “I know.” His response made me briefly chuckle. He was always blunt. Amid the horror, I’ll never forget his smile. The mask couldn’t take that away from those of us who loved him. Bopping his head back and forth as if he was listening to music, Kenny kept on smiling. His movements let me clearly know that the mask was attached to the gurney.

Before I left earlier, Kenny had asked me to pay attention to everything - his tan clothing, cheap-looking mask with a blue rim, a sheet covering him, the plastic accordion-like tubing. The room looked like a hospital room in a dilapidated hospital, illuminated with the cheapest lighting possible. The State of Alabama didn’t go all out to put this thing together, that was for damn sure. Knowing how important it would be later, I kept trying to remember details. Of course, Kenny was concerned about me. Indeed, he kept saying things like, “We’re walking through the valley of the shadow of death together.” “We’ve got this brother.” “Thank you, Jeff.” “I love you man.” That was who Kenny was, at his best, someone supremely concerned about the welfare of those around him.

Trying to not neglect the complexity of the moment. I kept praying for the Sennett family. I knew that they were about to witness a horror show as well. Like it or not, we’d all been brought to this moment of evil together. Time slowed down. I wanted to run. It was too painful. I fixed my eyes on the participants. Of course, they were not alone in the production of such horror, but I couldn’t help but feel tremendous anger towards them. Unbeknownst to them, I knew a great deal about them. The guard on the right, McKenzie, had drawn multiple accusations of using excessive force against inmates. Quarles, on the left, had been repeatedly described as an “insecure ball of raging anxiety.” Next to me, Regional Director Stewart-Riley stood tall with what appeared to be a sense of accomplishment. A former warden, Stewart-Riley had been frustrated that she couldn’t carry out executions more expeditiously. I’d seen multiple videos of her testifying about the need for nitrogen executions as a more human means of execution.

Each guard had taken off their name badge. My assumption was that they thought this would keep people from identifying them. I knew better. I knew that there were a great many people who already knew who they were. And I couldn't help but wonder why anyone would want to hide from their actions if they truly believed in what they were doing. On the other hand, Stewart-Riley never hid. If anything, she was the hype woman for this moral suicide. She was dressed in clothes that looked like she had just walked out of church. Yet, here we all were together. Stuck in a fish tank of our own absurdity. I wanted to believe that they were all a part of something far from me, but I was standing right there in the room. Even if I’d wanted to, I couldn’t leave. We had created this prison. The door was locked from the inside. Even if it took all night, nobody was getting out of there until it was over.

Through the window behind me, I could see various state officials filling up the room. I knew they were there, and they couldn’t help but know that I was too. I was directly in their line of sight. Perhaps, presence is the best response to injustice that one can sometimes provide. Even if it was a brief glance, I did want to make sure that they understood that I would know what they were about to do to Kenny.

My heart ached with love and horror as I watched him lying on the gurney. He had shared his last words with me earlier, expressing feelings of loneliness and abandonment. "My God, My God why have you forsaken me?" His words echoed in my mind as I struggled to come to terms with being present for such an unjust act. But then Kenny's voice brought me back to reality. "We've got this," he reassured me again, calmly. It was as if, in this moment, he was not only my spiritual charge but my spiritual guide.

Keep going. I heard the voices return.

As the time for the execution approached, there was a noticeable shift in the demeanor of those involved. Before the curtains opened, there was a sense of anticipation and nervous energy among them. Whispers and glances were exchanged, and some even wore smiles as if it were just another day at the office. Behind me, the witness rooms were filling up. I could hear it. The demeanor of the guards started to change. Then, they pulled back the curtains. Now, the horror wasn’t just mine alone. It was for the world to share in.

Knowing that the execution was about to start, my family popped into my mind. Each of their faces lingered. Terror shot up my spine. Nitrogen was nothing to play with. “Am I about to die?” I didn’t know. I just knew that I had a job to do. I was there to be present for Kenny. With a fierce determination, I quieted my mind.

Keep going. Now I saw the faces of the guys I’d accompanied before. I felt their presence. All those I had stood with at their executions before - a somber kinship that gave me the strength to keep standing and bearing witness to this grave injustice. I leaned back against a pole that was behind me. It was the only thing that seemed prepared to support me.

Looking up, I could see that Kenny was still smiling and shaking his head back and forth. He wanted to make sure that the last voluntary thing that the world saw from him was resistance. Kenny was not going to allow himself to be destroyed by the process. Nobody was going to take away the joy that he cherished so much.

“It’s my release date.”

I heard it loud and clear. He wanted to make sure that everybody else heard it too. Then, he started to tell all of his witnesses that he loved them one by one, mouthing each word starkly. Pushing against the arm restraint, Kenny also extended his index finger, pinky and thumb toward each person. For a second, I couldn’t figure out what he was doing. Then, I realized he was giving the universal sign for “I love you.”

Briefly glancing in my direction, Kenny furrowed his brow. In that split-second delay, I think we were both thinking the same thing, “Where in the hell is Raybon?” The doors at the back of the chamber swung open. Warden Terry Raybon shuffled toward the microphone. Notorious doesn’t fully capture Raybon. Here was a man about to pronounce judgment on Kenny, who himself was described by a judge as someone who “beats on women, consorts with felons, and neglects his official duties.” I leaned into the moment. How could this be happening? My eyes focused on his every step. It was as if he was gliding by me and leaving slime on the floor behind him. When he arrived at the microphone, Warden Raybon unhooked it and fumbled it a bit. I thought he had dropped it. Then, he did the classic tap on the microphone to see if it was on. I’m sure my facial expression betrayed my thoughts. WTF? Does this guy think he’s auditioning for the talent show? It was yet another moment of lunacy. Wouldn’t they have made sure that the microphone worked by now? Kenny lifted his eyebrows slightly. We were back on the same page.

In a low gravelly voice, Warden Raybon read a bunch of words and said a bunch of names to let everybody know that he was just doing his job and that he had to kill Kenny. The thing is, he didn’t. Nobody in that room had to do anything. They were all there because they chose to be. They chose to be killers. No amount of water was going to be able to wash away their culpability in what was about to happen. When he was nearing the end of his speech, I saw Stewart-Riley nod her head as if to greenlight the whole thing. The room seemed to be filled with anticipation.

Kenny’s face was now the measure of all to come. When he shifted slightly, I wondered if they’d turned the nitrogen on early. Nope. I guess he was just getting comfortable. As Warden Raybon read the final lines, my mind shifted to the victim, Elizabeth Sennett. I’m sure she was a kind woman. I’m sure she loved her boys. I’m sure that she would’ve had to at least think twice about what was about to happen in her name. But the truth was that Warden Raybon was the one who was supposed to be her representative. What irony. The guy who had repeatedly beat women was the person in the chamber supposed to represent her. It felt horrific to think that a family who’d been through so much was about to be put through another round of horror. But as Warden Raybon repeatedly made clear, the State of Alabama and the blood of Elizabeth Sennett demanded this. Finally, he stopped talking. Kenny leaned back, then forward. He knew what was next.

Warden Raybon leaned in slowly and said, “Do you have any final words?” In the moments Kenny and I had together earlier, he told me that he didn’t want to emote all over the place. He wanted to make a statement that reverberated far beyond the chamber. Loudly he declared in that unmistakable folksy drawl “Tonight, Alabama causes humanity to take a step backwards. I'm leaving with love, peace, and light. Thank you for supporting me. Love all of you.”

I could’ve almost mouthed what Kenny was going to say. I just didn’t expect him to deliver the words with such power. I got goosebumps. There was no doubt that he was certain of every word. Certain of love, peace, and light.

McKenzie nodded his head. It was my turn to approach the end of the gurney. Though there were only a few steps between where I was standing and the gurney, each movement of flesh felt like agony. The gurney is cruciform, and it was as if I was going to the feet of the cross. One cannot approach the cross and not feel that the weight of the world is on their back. That’s because it is. I stopped next to Kenny’s legs. Repeatedly, I was told that I couldn’t go farther. When I finished my journey to that very spot, I looked into Kenny’s eyes, and he said, “Love you, brother. Thank you.” I felt every word. I wanted so badly to save him. I knew the prayer that both of us needed. We’d prayed it together before. “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil,” I repeated it softly three times. After I spoke the words each time, I made the sign of the cross on Kenny’s shins. I pressed down as firmly as I could. I wanted him to know that the limitless and endless love of God was with him. When I finished, I mouthed, “Go to God.” He softly mouthed, “Release date.”

I didn’t want to leave. I knew as soon as I did the nitrogen would start to flow. Can you imagine standing there and knowing whenever you move someone you love is going to die? It was so torturous. I was trying to grasp every breath, but there was no fighting back. What was I supposed to do, filibuster? Stay up there until they tackled me, or arrested me? I had no choice. I had to step back. When I did, I left part of me on that gurney. The moral torture of that moment will haunt me forever. Evil was everywhere. I guess at that point it possessed us all. We were morally suffocated by nitrogen hypoxia before the nitrogen was ever released.

I stumbled back to my spot at the back of the chamber. I had no idea what was about to happen. Nobody did. The sound in the chamber started to change, and there was a hiss that quickly increased in volume. Kenny knew it was coming. I could see it in his face, like somebody waiting to take a punch. McKenzie started to approach the mask. I was surprised because this was not what they said would happen. Something was wrong. After a slight adjustment, the horror began.

The look on his face grew more and more intense with every passing second, and the color in his face started to change. Veins started to flex. Every muscle in his body started to tense. We’d talked for weeks prior to this moment about what he wanted to do. Never did he say that he was going to hold his breath. When we were already well past the seconds that we were told it would take, I began to wonder what was happening. His chest moved up and down with gusto. He was clearly trying to breathe. Shouldn’t he be unconscious already? He clearly wasn’t. He started to look as if his head was going to pop off. I leaned back. There was nowhere to fall, and there was a nightmare unfolding in front of me. The expressions of the guards shifted dramatically as they were obviously questioning what was going on too. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that Stewart-Riley had moved. This coward was shifting away from Kenny. Her experiment wasn’t proceeding as planned and she was moving away. Every inch of her face was flexing with concern. Kenny’s reactions grew more visceral and violent.

The gurney wasn’t supposed to move. Yet move it did. Kenny started heaving back and forth. The restraints weren’t enough to keep him still, and he was shaking the entire gurney. I couldn’t believe my eyes, and I’d never seen something so violent. Kenny’s muscles looked like they were going to combust. Veins spiderwebbed in every direction all over his body. It looked like an army of ants were running throughout every centimeter of his body. Nothing was calm, everything was moving everywhere all at once over and over. His face. My God…his face. The gurney was attached to the mask to hold it in place, but the force of Kenny’s movement repeatedly mashed his face against the front of the mask. I kept wondering if his bulging eyeballs were going to shoot right through. Saliva, mucus, and a host of other substances shot out his mouth and started drizzling down the inside of the mask. Back and forth, Kenny kept heaving. It was now going on minutes, and Kenny was very much still conscious. I could see the horror in his eyes. I will never forget that look of horror.

A moral apocalypse was in full motion. God seemed so dead. I don’t know that I have ever felt so lost. With every thrust, Kenny seemed to be begging for my help. I did nothing. I just leaned back. I started slipping. I didn’t know if I was going to stay standing. I felt like someone was taking my soul out of my body and cutting it into pieces. I could see them on the floor. I wanted to pick them up and run to save Kenny. But I knew I couldn’t. I knew that the State of Alabama had killed any semblance of morality that I had left while they executed Kenny. Seeking comfort and seeking to give comfort, I kept making the sign of the cross. Desperately, I was trying to manifest some semblance of God in this forsaken place. Hope was all that I had, and that was disintegrating too.

Taking off my glasses, I sobbed. I’d never felt so far away from God. I prayed that Kenny would know how much I loved him. I prayed that he would forgive me for not jumping on the gurney and ripping off the mask. I was doing the best that I could. We all have decisions to make. I hope no one ever again has to deal with the lack of options that I had in that chamber. Life was never a choice. I prayed repeatedly, “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…”. It didn’t feel like anybody anywhere was listening.

The anxiety of Stewart-Riley and the guards grew with every second. Stewart-Riley kept tapping her high heels. It literally sounded like somebody was tap dancing. What in the hell was she thinking? The mastermind of all of this. The tap-dancing torturer. The guards couldn’t hide their looks of concern, looks that they might be in way over their heads. Alabama’s meatheads feeding us all through the moral grinder. While I wished there could be some sort of justice right then and there, I knew that history would not be kind to the perpetrators of such barbarity.

Kenny’s convulsions gave way to deep breathing, which then gave way to shallow breathing. There wasn’t a point where I knew I saw Kenny take his last breath, but the guards began to close the curtains at their first opportunity. In fact, it seemed like they sprinted over to hide what they’d just done. I didn’t think that Kenny was dead yet. I saw slight movements in his chest. It didn’t matter. Unlike most other states, the State of Alabama does not pronounce a time of death in the chamber. Meaning, nobody who witnessed this execution was able to leave and affirmatively state that Kenny was actually dead.

The guards came forward to escort me out of the room. Quarles was determined to push me out the door, but I was not going to leave until I made the sign of the cross one more time over Kenny to commend his soul to God. I did so and then was hurried out past the waiting cell where his stuff was still laying. In the waiting chamber, I met the guard who had escorted me earlier and we walked past the control center cell, where the curtain was now drawn. There in his green scrubs and white jacket stood the doctor who presided over all this lunacy. For so long, he’d remained unnamed, a hidden monster selected to make sure all the execution processes worked. From the look of shock on his face, it was obvious that he didn’t want to see me. I stopped briefly. I wanted to make sure I got a good look. He had a sort of pinkish complexion. He was balding. He had white hair shooting out from the sides of his head. He was taller than me. Regardless of whether he ever will be identified, I now knew his secret. He had violated his promise as a physician to “do no harm,” the moral compass of his profession, and he will never be able to escape what he did. I hope I live in his nightmares. The guard pushed me down the hall, and we quickly passed through the dilapidated halls that I’d passed through before. Past the rot. Past the mold. Past the falling ceilings. I was given my keys and license at the front door. Before I knew it, I was standing outside the gate. I tried to breathe, but I was still suffocating.

From the beginning, Kenny had made it very clear that he wanted me to tell the world what happened, so I ran across the parking lot and jumped in my car. I raced down the desolate entrance road to Holman, past the vans filled with all the witnesses. When I made it to the corner entrance to the prison grounds, I jumped out of the car and ran to the tent. There waiting was Isabel Rosales from CNN. I stood and delivered as best I could. I told the world. When I started to break down, I heard some familiar voices again, now with one very recognizable addition.

Keep going!

I haven’t stopped.

February 19, 2024

USA TODAY

I witnessed Alabama execute a man using nitrogen gas. It was horrific and cruel.

Taking off my glasses, I sobbed. I'd never felt so far away from God. I prayed that God would forgive me. I was doing the best that I could.

Nobody alive was closer to the nation’s first and thus far only nitrogen hypoxia execution than I was. As Kenneth Smith’s spiritual adviser, I saw every horrific second before, during and after the curtains closed.

I want to make something perfectly clear: Anyone who claims that this was anything short of torture is not just mistaken, they are a dangerous liar.

Does this sound humane?

When nitrogen gas started to flow, Kenny’s face grew more and more intense with every second. Colors started to change. Veins started to flex. Every muscle in his body started to tense.

We had talked for weeks before this moment about what he wanted to do. Never did he say that he would hold his breath. When things began to last way past the seconds that we were told it would, I began to wonder why.

His chest moved up and down with gusto. He was clearly trying to breathe. “Shouldn’t he be unconscious already?” He clearly wasn’t.

He started to look as if his head would pop off. I leaned back. There was nowhere to fall. There only was the nightmare in front of me.

As Kenny’s reactions grew more visceral and violent, the expressions of the guards started to shift dramatically.

I couldn’t believe my eyes. The gurney wasn’t supposed to move. Yet, move it did. Kenny started heaving back and forth. The restraints weren’t enough to keep him still.

Kenny was shaking the entire gurney. I had never seen something so violent. Kenny’s muscles went from tensed up to looking like they were going to combust. Veins spider-webbed in every direction. It looked like an army of ants was running throughout every centimeter of Kenny. There was nothing in his body that was calm. Everything was going everywhere all at once, over and over.

His face. My God ... his face.

Repeatedly, Kenny’s face jerked toward the front of the mask. I kept wondering if his bulging eyeballs were going to shoot right through.

Saliva, mucus and other substances shot out of his mouth. The concoction of body fluids all started drizzling down the inside of the mask. Back and forth ... back and forth ... back and forth Kenny kept heaving.

We had been told by Alabama officials that the gas would kill Kenny in seconds, but the execution was now going on for minutes. Kenny was very much still conscious. I could see the horror in his eyes. In fact, I’ll never forget it.

Taking off my glasses, I sobbed. I had never felt so far away from God. I prayed that God would forgive me. I was doing the best that I could.

We all have decisions to make. I hope no one ever again has to deal with the options that I had. They were going to kill him one way or another with or without me, but I was still part of the horrific process. Life was never a choice. I just had to be present for Kenny.

I prayed the words of the Psalmist repeatedly, “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death …” But death was far more than a shadow at this point.

Convulsions gave way to shallow breathing. Kenny was barely conscious. Every breath brought more death. It wasn’t just death of a man − it was death to any idea that there could be anything humane about executing a person.

We were told that we would be watching something peaceful. The devastating spectacle of it all was everything but.

In recent days, politicians have become emboldened to push for nitrogen hypoxia executions in their own states. Such efforts are mindless lunacy.

Mindless in that the people backing the efforts have no idea what they’re talking about. Lunacy in that they are championing the wholesale acceptance of legally suffocating people to death.

These folks haven’t seen what I did. These insane explosions of moral suicide have the propensity not just to destroy life, but even to destroy our very souls. I felt it